Listening to the messages of our emotions

Our bodies have many ways of sending us messages to get our needs met. A growling stomach tells us we’re hungry and prompts us to eat. Similarly, our emotions can act as messengers, letting us know that something within us needs attention.

  • Sadness may tell us we’re missing someone and prompt us to reconnect.
  • Anxiety may signal fear, encouraging us to seek safety or reassurance.
  • Anger may point to an injustice, asking us to speak up or protect ourselves or others.

Seems simple enough — but in practice, many barriers can keep us from hearing these emotional messages clearly.

What Gets in the Way

Emotions aren’t always easy to read. Sometimes we just know we feel something but can’t quite name it. Other times, we recognize what we feel but judge or shame ourselves for it — pushing it away before we can learn from it.

Emotions also carry energy in the body. That energy can feel uncomfortable or lead to behaviors we don’t like, so we might suppress it. Or, emotions can drain our energy, making it hard to function, so we dismiss them altogether. Each of these reactions adds a layer of difficulty between us and the messages our emotions carry.

How to Hear the Message

To reconnect with our emotions and uncover their messages, we can:

  1. Validate the feeling.
    Take a nonjudgmental stance. Allow the emotion to be there without labeling it as “good” or “bad.”
  2. Name the emotion.
    Naming helps clarify what we’re experiencing and brings us closer to the message. A feelings wheel can help find precise words for our emotions.
  3. Listen with curiosity.
    Ask yourself:
    “What is my [emotion] trying to tell me?”
  4. Take intentional, value-based action.
    Once you’ve heard the message, ask:
    “What does my [emotion] want me to do—or stop doing?”

A Real-Life Example

Imagine someone walks in after a long day at work and is immediately asked to help get dinner ready. They feel a swell of energy and irritation:
“Do you know how hard I’ve worked all day? I don’t want to do anything else for anyone!”

Instead of reacting, they push the feeling down and help anyway—at the cost of their own needs.

Let’s explore this differently:

  • Step 1: Feel and validate. Notice the tension and allow it.
  • Step 2: Name the emotion. Maybe it’s anger, frustration, or resentment.
  • Step 3: Listen to the message. “Do you know how hard I’ve worked?” might reveal fatigue. The message: I need to rest.
  • Step 4: Take intentional action. They might say, “I need a 10-minute break before I start dinner.”

If they stay curious—“I don’t want to do anything else for anyone!”—they might uncover resentment. The message: I need better boundaries around my time and energy. Future action might be saying “no” more often or asking for help earlier in the day.

Putting It All Together

The Emotional Message Process:

  1. Feel, validate, and stay curious about the feeling.
  2. Name the emotion.
  3. Listen to the message: “What is my [emotion] trying to tell me?”
  4. Choose intentional action: “What does my [emotion] want me to do or stop doing?”

By taking time to feel, name, and listen to our emotions, we can transform them from overwhelming experiences into powerful guides for understanding and meeting our needs.